Chaotic Waters

Genesis 1 starts off with nothingness. "The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters." (Genesis 1:2)

I heard yesterday from a pastor I admire that these waters were chaotic, out of order, shifting. He pointed out that waters, the seas, in Scripture are often symbol of chaos and unholiness. Why Mark 4 - of the sea storm He speaks "peace" to before meeting Legion in Mark 5 - was demonic attack against Jesus to not bring the gospel to new non-Jewish territory. Pigs with legions of demons fell back into the seas.

He said so simply and truthfully:

"Often there is a fight before the fight of setting people free."

I sat there yesterday at the front table, absorbing his words, and felt it in my bones.

A few years ago, in a season that now feels like a lifetime ago, I felt like God gave me two visions as real and as a strong as any I've ever encountered that brought me to this new position at a local church. One, I felt like God was saying I was going to catch the wind of His Spirit in my sails, and be like a voyager on a boat sailing across the open ocean to find women on the horizon and restore them whose hearts had been stolen, to speak identity back into their souls. Two, when I was trying to learn more about His Word, our Sword, and how to teach it well, He said: "Set them free."

I still believe it's what He has for me.

What I didn't anticipate was the fight before the fight.

My boat is small and I am an unexperienced sailor. These kind of waters are new. I have no landmarks. If these seas represent chaos and this sinful world (and his Scriptural argument was sound), then I am out on the open ocean. Waves are crashing in. A few days ago, I felt like I was drowning. The enemy of our souls does not want the gospel to go into new territory. He'll stop at nothing to take us out. To take me out. To take me out so I can't fulfill these callings...

Which finds me both fighting fear and rising to fight all at the same time.

Intellectually, I can see what is happening. His play book is as old as time. But the feelings attached are no less real. And I'm grieving so much...

But here's the hope: God created beautiful order out of chaos in Genesis 1. He didn't leave them formless. Jesus woke up and called out "Peace! Be Still!" to the storm. It didn't stop Him from setting that poor man with legions of demons in him free.

And the best of all, God, through Moses, parted seas to set slaves free! He showed His supremacy and authority over all things and He'll stop at nothing to set His people free.

If He has called me out on these waters, He. Is. With. Me, in Jesus' name! This fight before the fight will not take me out. He will empower me to hold on, sail through storms, part seas to set them free.

He cares too much for those who are in bondage.

And, today, I choose to trust that He cares too much for me to let me go.

Today, I will not drown.